(Escrevi direto no inglês. Se houver interesse, até traduzo, mas acho que todo mundo que lê isso [mesmo quem negue que lê] entendo um pouco da língua bretã.)
Depression is humiliating.
It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t behave yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
It is the scum of the soul, the dredges, the rot. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your deities and back off the folks who take a pill or four so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart.
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2 comentários:
Sei muito bem a lama que é a depressão, já estive nela algumas vezes. Pelo visto os remedinhos não estão dando conta. Já pensou em fazer análise/terapia? E sim, me compadeço, apesar de ser vc. Depressivos têm e sempre terão a minha empatia. Além da doença em si, eles têm que lutar com a incompreensão do resto do mundo que nunca teve depressão e acha que isso é frescura e não uma psicopatologia.
Gostei muito desse texto. E estou sempre interessada em ler, vc sabe.
Só acho uma pena eu ter perdido os últimos dias do jogo da verdade.
E é, entre outras várias coisas, por isso que eu gosto tanto da Milu.
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